亞瑟·阿倫三十六問(wèn)會(huì)讓兩個(gè)陌生人在45分鐘內(nèi)建立好感、愛(ài)上對(duì)方，你相信嗎？今天就跟著小力一起來(lái)了解一下亞瑟阿倫的36個(gè)問(wèn)題。
 美國(guó)心理學(xué)家亞瑟·阿倫曾經(jīng)做過(guò)一項(xiàng)研究，他設(shè)計(jì)出來(lái)一些問(wèn)題，請(qǐng)參與者互相詢問(wèn)對(duì)方，來(lái)測(cè)試彼此關(guān)系的增進(jìn)程度。這些問(wèn)題具有持續(xù)性、不斷深入性、雙向性以及自我人格剖析的特點(diǎn)。實(shí)驗(yàn)證明，這些問(wèn)題確實(shí)讓參與者們明顯感覺(jué)互相之間的親密關(guān)系增強(qiáng)了。 后來(lái)，有人又組織陌生單身男女一起，用這36個(gè)問(wèn)題，測(cè)試兩個(gè)陌生人是不是可以迅速地愛(ài)上對(duì)方。 后來(lái)，她在《紐約時(shí)報(bào)》的愛(ài)情專欄上發(fā)表了文章，介紹自己參加活動(dòng)的經(jīng)歷，文章發(fā)表的時(shí)候，她仍然跟活動(dòng)上相愛(ài)的男朋友在一起。 所以，現(xiàn)在江湖上出現(xiàn)了我們開(kāi)篇提的這個(gè)神奇說(shuō)法：回答完亞瑟·阿倫的三十六個(gè)問(wèn)題，陌生人也能相愛(ài)！ 下面小力就帶你來(lái)看看亞瑟阿倫的36個(gè)問(wèn)題到底是哪三十六個(gè)問(wèn)題，竟如此神奇：  1. 如果你能在全世界任選一個(gè)人和你共進(jìn)晚餐，你會(huì)選誰(shuí)？ 2. 你想出名嗎？在哪一方面？ 3. 打電話前，你會(huì)預(yù)演你即將要說(shuō)的話嗎？為什么？ 4. 對(duì)你來(lái)說(shuō)，“完美”的一天是什么樣的？ 5.上一次一個(gè)人唱歌是什么時(shí)候？和別人一起是什么時(shí)候？ 6. 如果你能夠活到90歲，并且你可以選擇讓你的心智或身體在后60年一直停留在30歲，你會(huì)選擇哪個(gè)？ 7. 關(guān)于未來(lái)你會(huì)怎么離開(kāi)這個(gè)世界，你有自己的預(yù)感嗎？ 8. 說(shuō)出3個(gè)你和對(duì)方共同擁有的特征。 9. 你人生中最感恩的事情是什么？ 10. 如果你可以改變自己的成長(zhǎng)過(guò)程中的任何事，你希望有哪些改變？ 11. 用4分鐘盡可能詳細(xì)地告訴對(duì)方你的人生故事。 12. 如果明天醒來(lái)你可以獲得一個(gè)特質(zhì)或一種能力，你希望是什么？ 13. 如果有顆水晶球能向你揭示關(guān)于你自己、你的生活、你的未來(lái)，或是其他任何事情的真相，你想知道些什么？ 14. 你有沒(méi)有一直夢(mèng)想要做的事情？為什么沒(méi)有做呢? 15. 你人生中最大的成就是什么？ 16. 一段友情中，你最重視哪一個(gè)部分？ 17. 你最珍貴的一段回憶是什么？ 18. 記憶中最可怕的事情是什么？ 19. 如果你知道一年后你會(huì)突然離世，你會(huì)改變現(xiàn)在的生活方式嗎？為什么？ 20. 朋友對(duì)你來(lái)說(shuō)意味著什么？ 21. 戀愛(ài)和感情在你的生活中扮演著什么樣的角色？ 22. 逐個(gè)列出對(duì)方好的一面，共列舉5個(gè)。 23. 你的家庭成員彼此親密嗎？氛圍溫馨嗎？你覺(jué)得你的童年比大部分人都開(kāi)心嗎？ 24. 你和母親的關(guān)系如何？ 25. 用“我們”組3個(gè)基于現(xiàn)有場(chǎng)景的句子，比如，我們現(xiàn)在都在這個(gè)房間里…… 26. 把這個(gè)句子補(bǔ)充完整：“我希望有個(gè)人能跟我分享……” 27. 如果你想和對(duì)方成為親密的朋友，有什么事情是需要TA知道的。 28. 告訴對(duì)方你喜歡TA的什么地方，這一次你要非常誠(chéng)懇，說(shuō)一些你平常不會(huì)跟剛認(rèn)識(shí)的人說(shuō)的話。 29. 和對(duì)方分享人生中最尷尬的時(shí)刻。 30. 上一次你在他人面前哭是什么時(shí)候？ 31. 告訴對(duì)方你已經(jīng)喜歡TA很久了。 32. 有沒(méi)有什么事情是絕對(duì)不能開(kāi)玩笑的？ 33. 假如你今晚會(huì)離世，并且沒(méi)有機(jī)會(huì)跟任何人交流，你最后悔沒(méi)有對(duì)誰(shuí)吐露心聲？為什么到現(xiàn)在還沒(méi)有對(duì)這個(gè)人說(shuō)出想說(shuō)的話？ 34. 你的房子著火了，所有的財(cái)產(chǎn)都在里面。救出了親人和寵物之后，如果你還有時(shí)間最后努力一次，并且安全地挽救任何一件物品，你會(huì)選擇什么？為什么？ 35. 如果有家庭成員去世，你認(rèn)為誰(shuí)的離開(kāi)對(duì)你的打擊最大？為什么？ 36. 分享一個(gè)你的個(gè)人問(wèn)題并詢問(wèn)對(duì)方的處理意見(jiàn)，同時(shí)也請(qǐng)對(duì)方告訴你，在TA看來(lái)你對(duì)這個(gè)問(wèn)題的感受是什么。 看完這36個(gè)問(wèn)題有什么感受，是不是層層深入，直抵內(nèi)心？那么，亞瑟阿倫的這36個(gè)問(wèn)題為什么能讓兩個(gè)陌生人迅速建立親密關(guān)系呢？接下來(lái)就帶你來(lái)看看原理： 亞瑟·阿倫的三十六個(gè)問(wèn)題背后的心理學(xué)原理也很經(jīng)典：自我暴露理論。 自我暴露(Self-disclosure)是社會(huì)心理學(xué)尤其是人際交往研究領(lǐng)域頗受人關(guān)注的問(wèn)題之一。自我暴露的意思是一個(gè)人自發(fā)地、有意識(shí)地向另一個(gè)人暴露自己真實(shí)且重要的信息。 跟一個(gè)人的關(guān)系從陌生到親密，是從建立“共情”開(kāi)始的，簡(jiǎn)言之，就是能夠從對(duì)方的角度看到并理解這個(gè)世界，共情能讓彼此產(chǎn)生信任，如果你確信對(duì)方理解你你也能理解對(duì)方的心聲，自然會(huì)有一種“知己”的感覺(jué)。 共情的前提，是對(duì)方愿意向我們暴露真實(shí)的一面。 自我暴露是一件很難完成的事情，你可以想象一下當(dāng)你接到推銷電話時(shí)的措辭和狀態(tài)，以及你跟閨蜜死黨聊天時(shí)候的措辭和狀態(tài)，就能體會(huì)到其中的不同。 我們仔細(xì)觀察這36個(gè)問(wèn)題可以發(fā)現(xiàn)，這些問(wèn)題中有大量的引導(dǎo)表達(dá)觀點(diǎn)和表達(dá)感受的問(wèn)題，從而引導(dǎo)兩個(gè)人更高效的自我暴露，達(dá)成親密關(guān)系。 附：亞瑟·阿倫的三十六個(gè)問(wèn)題英文原版 The 36 questions which can make anyone fall in love with you: Set One 1. Given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you want as a dinner guest? 2. Would you like to be famous? In what way? 3. Before making a telephone call, do you ever rehearse what you are going to say? Why? 4. What would constitute a “perfect” day for you? 5. When did you last sing to yourself? To someone else? 6. If you were able to live to the age of 90 and retain either the mind or body of a 30-year-old for the last 60 years of your life, which would you want? 7. Do you have a secret hunch about how you will die? 8. Name three things you and your partner appear to have in common. 9. For what in your life do you feel most grateful? 10. If you could change anything about the way you were raised, what would it be? 11. Take four minutes and tell your partner your life story in as much detail as possible. 12. If you could wake up tomorrow having gained any one quality or ability, what would it be? Set Two 13. If a crystal ball could tell you the truth about yourself, your life, the future or anything else, what would you want to know? 14. Is there something that you’ve dreamed of doing for a long time? Why haven’t you done it? 15. What is the greatest accomplishment of your life? 16. What do you value most in a friendship? 17. What is your most treasured memory? 18. What is your most terrible memory? 19. If you knew that in one year you would die suddenly, would you change anything about the way you are now living? Why? 20. What does friendship mean to you? 21. What roles do love and affection play in your life? 22. Alternate sharing something you consider a positive characteristic of your partner. Share a total of five items. 23. How close and warm is your family? Do you feel your childhood was happier than most other people's? 24. How do you feel about your relationship with your mother? Set Three 25. Make three true “we” statements each. For instance, “We are both in this room feeling ... “ 26. Complete this sentence: “I wish I had someone with whom I could share ... “ 27. If you were going to become a close friend with your partner, please share what would be important for him or her to know. 28. Tell your partner what you like about them; be very honest this time, saying things that you might not say to someone you’ve just met. 29. Share with your partner an embarrassing moment in your life. 30. When did you last cry in front of another person? By yourself? 31. Tell your partner something that you like about them already. 32. What, if anything, is too serious to be joked about? 33. If you were to die this evening with no opportunity to communicate with anyone, what would you most regret not having told someone? Why haven’t you told them yet? 34. Your house, containing everything you own, catches fire. After saving your loved ones and pets, you have time to safely make a final dash to save any one item. What would it be? Why? 35. Of all the people in your family, whose death would you find most disturbing? Why? 36. Share a personal problem and ask your partner’s advice on how he or she might handle it. Also, ask your partner to reflect back to you how you seem to be feeling about the problem you have chosen. The last, terrifying, element of this experiment requires the two participants to stare into each other's eyes for four minutes. 延伸閱讀： 1，史上最難回答的26個(gè)問(wèn)題，你知道答案嗎？ 2，腦洞大開(kāi)，一張圖看懂零維到十維空間！ 3，全球公認(rèn)最健康的作息時(shí)間表！ 4，神奇的勵(lì)志公式：每天進(jìn)步一點(diǎn)點(diǎn)！ 5，當(dāng)你老了，一生最后悔什么？ |
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